Read it and Leap
Written by Hamish McCready
You wake up one morning, possibly wearing a pajama suit as Barney Stinson would (you are perpetually prepared for situations that may call for a suave outfit) and after stepping out of bed, you immediately do 1000 one-handed push-ups to shake off the dust while simultaneously reading the news from your phone in the other hand. The finance minister has not changed overnight so it’s been a good start. One quick shower later and you’re putting on your morning suit, ready for another day of all-round successful endeavors.
You head to the kitchen to grab some breakfast. While pouring the milk into your carb-free, high protein cereal – you like to stay shredded – your eyes are drawn to a peculiar envelope sitting on the counter. It has an alluring aura about it and you sense that its contents will have a profound effect on the direction of your life. It is lush shade of green, a perfect square that is pleasing to the mathematical eye, and looks as if it was sent from some royally awesome establishment. The envelope has your name on it.
Your curiosity overwhelms you and you tear the envelope open with an excited nervousness, similar to that of a 13 year old discovering his father’s porn collection. However, the contents of this envelope is of far greater importance and is arguably more arousing. Your already bright future has just become positively blinding – your eyes are fine though because you are cool and you wear dark shaded sunglasses at all times. You settle into your high-back leather armchair, a glass of whiskey already mysteriously waiting on the coffee table, and you let the all deluging wave of euphoria run over you. It is the day that many men dream of, but only a select few will ever experience. You have been officially accepted into Smuts Hall.
(A fictitious story which aims to encapsulate the general experience of a Smutsman upon finding out that he has been accepted into Smuts Hall)